Snark is Biblical

Snark is Biblical… and Catholic.  Yep, you heard me.  tumblr_lli7jjwM8z1qddgruo1_500I mean, come on.

Jesus actually said to St. Phillip: “There is no guile within you.” Just after St. Phillip said, “Nothing good comes out of Nazareth.”  Jesus wasn’t hastily telling his apostles that this guy innocent. It is what we call a teaching moment.  It was snark, and this generation did not invent it. Nor did our finger snapping, black turtleneck wearing ancestors.

So, there is but one logical conclusion to make: St. Phillip is the patron saint of Hipsters.  However, we can take comfort in the fact that only Judas Iscariot was being Christian ironically.

If you think that this contains too much the stink of sardony (totally a word) to be credible… well… just keep in mind

“St. Philip” El Greco [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

one jewel of  an example.  St. Lawrence– yes, the guy who was roasted to death on a grill– is the patron saint of Chefs.  Now, I’ve watched enough Anthony Bourdain,– more importantly read enough AB to know that this is entirely fitting with the culture of chefs. It really only takes about 5 minutes of Cooking Issues (or maybe a 30 second digest of the Theme Music Saga and a sample of it’s antecedent) to get the same idea, even if he’s coming at the phenomenon from an entirely different angle.

This is not a modern cultural innovation.  It takes a special kind of person to love creating awesome food so much that they destroy themselves with insane schedules, in hot, cramped, dangerous places, working with unreasonable and entirely absurd standards of sanitation and excellence.  Granted, there are slackers a plenty in their midst, but… St Laurence stands properly for the best of them.  And he was there with all sorts of fine one-liners to amuse and disgust his torturers.   Gordon Ramsey would be (and probably is) justifiably proud.  Anyway, we know it would take someone like St. Lawrence to properly impress a chef.

“Martyrdom of St. Lawrence.” By Caravaggio (Art Knowledge Daily) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

So, yeah. We totally invented snark– in the First Century, not long before the founding of our Church.  And it is in keeping with biblical scholarship and the in spirit of Catholic Tradition.

“St. Laurence” By J.-H. Janßen (Own work) [GFDL or CC-BY-SA-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Take that, hipsters. FIRST!

[Note: Jesus probably did not invent snark at that moment-- I suspect that the Snark has been with us since the beginning.  However, he did sanctify it and make it acceptable for us to use it in it's proper context. So I guess you could say He invented it anew just like the rest of us.]

Posted in Catholic Christianity, Food, Humor, Nerdy, Obsessive Nitpicking | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Art, and…

By nieznany, zm. przed 1930 (archiwum rodzinne, sztych, praca własna) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Back in the bad old “white dead guy” days, artists used to have Salons.  Salons weren’t just fancy-dress parties for artists and their sparky, well heeled fans. Another term is Symposium, and there would be scientists giving papers and performing experiments in front of a live audience, philosophers taking apart various new ideas from friends writing from far distant places, and theologians talking about various edgy theories about interpretation of scripture. People would speculate on the movement of the heavens, talk about the latest unearthed documents from Arabia and whether or not they were really written by Aristotle– or Hermes Trismegistus.  There were dances, musical performances  and back room card games… and other entertainments. There was something for every taste, and if you were in the know, you couldn’t miss it.

By Carolus (Own work) [GFDL, CC-BY-SA-3.0 or CC-BY-2.5], via Wikimedia Commons

Yes, these things seem to slice between various historical eras– I did that on purpose. These things, in varying degrees of formality, mind, were happening all over Europe in private homes and specially built chambers, hosted by the best, brightest, and most wealthy.  Not only were the rulers of the day interested in these things but so were the artists.

Before we start trash talking this institution because “only wealthy people showed up”, let’s think for a moment about the artists themselves.  ”Starving artist” is a long tradition, and the people who came weren’t always just those whom the host patronized.  Yes, going to such things were expensive, but it’s unfair to say that these are exclusive to wealth. Besides, the aim was to improve things for everybody– because, believe it or not, that was the value system they had. Not everyone prescribed to it, I admit, but it was a big part of the culture.  We just don’t see it today, because we aren’t looking. I mean, who wants to read about the saints, anyway?   Anyway– back to Art.

By dalbera from Paris, France [CC-BY-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

I talk about salons, because I find every trip to a major art gallery or museum with a modern art exhibit distressing.  Why should I care?  In school I studied art– Art History wound up being my major. I did however, at various points have Illustration, Oil Painting and Design as majors. (At first I was indecisive– then I wasn’t so sure.)  Thanks to the vagaries of my financial aid and situation, I was unable to attend a single course of photography or sculpture in college, because my scholarship paid at the last possible moment, and the school required that you pay up before you attended class.

I did take at least two 3D design courses, and a few 2 D as well. But mostly it was life drawing  oil painting and a survey course on techniques that ranged from etching to wood engraving to “press art” derived from using a acetone spray on printed material and collaging “prints” from printed material. I also made digital art/design on a student copy of Adobe Illustrator on a 486 bought with donated money when I was in the 9th Grade. Before that, I was having fun making art with Paint III on the Amiga– which was the inspiration for Photoshop.  I’ve been doing this for a while.

color-grayscale-matteSo when I go into a gallery, I’m not only thinking about what the context of the art is, what it looks like, and what they are trying to say, but also how long they probably worked at it, and the techniques they probably used. I have friends who are everything from industrial artists working for auto manufacturers, to jewelry makers and designers,  to people who make a living (or a portion of it) selling art to publishers and at science fiction conventions.  So I feel I at least have enough of a vested interest to speak on it properly.

So what does all this have to do with salons, and today’s modern art?

Paul Klee [Public domain or Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Well,  used to be that art was speaking to the world, about the world– yet reaching for higher things. Artists were immersed in the culture of the day– not just someone’s favorite Ytube videos de regur. I’m sure they had their equivalents in those days, but it seems that not only have people gotten more isolated (in a sense) but even more so, the artists that speak for our culture on a national level and only talking to themselves about themselves.  Also, outside of a few artists I know personally, (and some who’s websites I’ve seen) they tend to just do art and it’s a full time job. And what they actually accomplish doesn’t seem to reflect the time and effort that whole isolation would suggest.

This is a lot less impressive when you remember that Rembrandt was also a diplomat.  I suspect he would have joked that this was his day job. Fortunately, anyone can probably point out a counter example. Indeed, I tend to find the better art in smaller galleries, say from artist colonies in obscure places that any self-respecting New Yorker would sneeze at.

But the truth of the matter is, the closer those artists have to be to making a living for themselves, the better artists they tend to be. They don’t have the luxury of living on the largesse of the government. For some reason those people who you’d think would have less time and energy for true innovation put more skill and thought into their work.

Even in flyover country, there are people who buy art not just to match the couch– you can get that at any cut rate factory warehouse. Yes, there is “popcorn art” everywhere you go, but there is also serious art that is magnificent. I wish there was more attention and love for them from a wider audience. Seriously, one of my favorite painters sells her wares at a coffee shop and a local art supply store in Birmingham AL.  Not exactly podunkville,  but also not (to my knowledge) a place renowned for it’s artists.

I guess the art historian in me is distressed because it seems that the voices that are supposed to speak for our civilization are telling a very dark tale indeed.  Our art has been decrying a collapse of civilization for over 100 years.  To hear that statement, we have been reeling out of control since just after the First World War.  The grim talk going around the internet these days is nothing new.  What bothers me more, is that those big voices that are supposed to be “representative”– aren’t.

They are cut off from the culture, in an obscure, artistic cul de sac that is textbook definition of “sound and fury signifying nothing.”  What’s worse, is that they are proud of it.  They are proud of the blank stares, puzzlement and revulsion that they imagine their work receives. By now, most people who would have been offended have just stopped paying attention.  We have all the world and wikimedia. We don’t really need poseurs who strive to abuse and offend us.

Knowing how popular my slumming on Wikimedia Commons is, I don’t think it’s because people are sick of beauty and don’t care about it anymore. People cared about art while starving in the streets of Rome after the collapse. Folks were making art in Haiti after the cascading disasters and poverty would sap the energies of the strongest soul.  We aren’t there yet, fortunately.   I have seen real art adorning subway tunnels that are supposed to represent territorial tags ordered by street gangs. Art is in our blood, and we can’t abandon it completely. It follows us wherever we go.

By User:victorgrigas (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Ironically enough, this is not even about artistic style or medium. We artists live in a world characterized  by an embarassment of riches in this day and age– expanded by the largesse that our decadence embraces.  Another of my favorite artists uses spray paint to make– real art. There are plenty of people doing amazing things with found materials– and I’m not talking about the cheap cop-out of signing a salvaged or stolen urinal.  That is a stunt– a practical joke, not art.  Unfortunately, too many people haven’t gotten the joke.

By FlowersfromrouenDavid Horvitz (Own work) [CC0], via Wikimedia Commons

I know what you are thinking, but I actually like quite a number of the Dada artists. I’m not even talking about artistic style.  I’m talking about aesthetics.  I know what you are thinking. But I’m telling you, we are talking about different things. The clearest sign is in architecture. There you can see a plethora of styles, and yet– it is obvious to the least knowledgeable layman that some of those simple streamlined designs are better than others. Some seem designed to assault the sense, not soothe them.

Aesthetics used to be a science. It used to be a thing that artists studied. It was about what forms, proportions shapes, and colors were naturally prefered by the human person.  If you look at art around the world, you see that many of those principles really are universal. You will note that this is not because we are all the same– style is not what I’m talking about.  From Japan, Ancient Egypt, to the Dark Ages, to Classical Greece to African Villages you see these principles in action and you can study them.  Yet, no one does anymore.

Well, almost no one.

The irony is, the art school I went to was known for having a very good art department. I’m not talking about prestige– you transferred at the last possible moment to UofM or CSS to get that.   But your grunt course work– life drawing, design, sculpture, photography, art engineering–  they specialized in the mechanics, or I should say the craftsmanship of art. Heck, you could learn glass blowing there, too.   Even they didn’t have a class in aesthetics either. YOu got it in dribs and drabs  in life drawing and especially the illustration and drawing classes.  Ironically, you didn’t even see it in 2D or 3D design courses either.

By Zarateman (Own work) [CC0], via Wikimedia Commons

Nope, my first explicit and intensive dose of this concept was actually in my art history courses.  When we studied the building up of Western art from the Dark Ages to the Renaissance  we talked about the development of these ideas.  We then analyzed the blossoming of Japanese art from it’s primitive origins, the Ancient Greeks, and also the ancient Egyptians.

By Prioryman (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 or GFDL], via Wikimedia Commons

The most striking cultures who’s art captivates us use many of the same rules to define balance and proportion and beauty, it’s just the ornament that changes.  It is a beautiful reminder that we are all human– and that, no matter the label that culture assigns you, universals matter, and are TRUE.

By Jebulon (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

However at a certain point, certain artists and architects decided to give these principles a miss. Then people started tolerating them and really, it ceased to be art. Not because of the judgment of the people, but because they broke the rules of art without having a rational reason to do so. What to me is even more sad is the fact that by the process of ignoring those principles and the world around them, they have made themselves irrelevant, and rendered their own work non-art.  An art gallery or museum does not art make.

By Kaschkawalturist (Own work) [GPL], via Wikimedia Commons

Art is defined by what it does, not by what it is. If it raises you out of the everyday miasma of hostility we dwell in– even if it’s a want ad or a car commercial– it becomes art through it’s ability to inspire .

If you are just flinging more crap around because you are a pissed off artist– congratulations, you have rendered yourself an artless hack, no matter how much skill you employ.  We get enough crap from the world, thank you very much.  It is only because the dilettante culture of today has forgotten this fact– that the day-to-day isn’t the insulating bubble of our caricature of the past– that anyone gets away with this. Our language for describing beauty and inspiration is stunted because we have forgotten what the words we possess actually mean.

By Wikipedia Loves Art participant “Random_Variables” [CC-BY-2.5], via Wikimedia Commons

Posted in Art, Eye Candy, Nerdy, Obsessive Nitpicking, Science, Virtues | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

More than just “some rocks”

Orchids, Bamboo and Rock by Zheng Xie

By Zheng Xie [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

I will be publishing an extensive diatribe about aesthetics, so I thought I’d share one of the lovely items that I found while doing my slog through wikimedia. :)

Posted in Art, Eye Candy | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Pentecost–Happy Birthday, Church!

By AlejandroLinaresGarcia (Own work) [GFDL or CC-BY-SA-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Greetings from elsewhere! I’m on vacation!

Posted in Art, Catholic Christianity, Christianity | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Stones at Rest

 

Posted in Art, Catholic Christianity, Eye Candy | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Don’t forget the library

By stringer_bel (Flickr: Forgotten library in Timbuktu, Mali) [CC-BY-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

How do you forget a library, anyway?  The internet isn’t *that* old.

Posted in Art, Eye Candy | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ascension Day (“crustless”) Custard Pie

Beautiful, sweet smelling pie-- fresh from the oven. So far, so good. Yes, I took the picture.

Beautiful, sweet smelling pie– fresh from the oven. So far, so good.
Yes, I took the picture.

It was a long wait, food fans, but I did it again.  This time, things were different. [Uh, Sort of.]

First of all, I meditated long on the great variety of recipes I saw, and thought carefully about what they might mean. I had decisions to make.  I was further encouraged by a friend of mine, who has family in Kentucky– and a long list of family recipes.  Laugh though you might– folks really know food over there. While the Cajuns near New Orleans and so on get all the limelight, the folks in Kentucky quietly gave us Bourbon and roast goat.  And, they have plenty of custard pies. With Bourbon.  Yep.  I’m a fan. I don’t get it often, because I would only drink the good stuff, and never enough to get (really) drunk. Seems disrespectful, somehow.

I mean this is good enough that the royal family of France put their name to it. Yeah, I know, there was a county in the middle there, but still. The French let it stand, so we have a beverage with royal lineage.  Those French royals may not have been terribly financially wise or honest, but you can’t doubt their taste in the very finest things.  No one ever said that drinking Bourbon wasn’t risky.

Sadly, I do not have Bourbon.  But I do have eggs, and almond flour, Mimicreme and guar gum.  I took some solace from the Italians in the form of Frangellico.  Punched it up with a little Persian spice (Star Anise) and some tropical vanilla.  I’m pretty sure I’ve got magic.

The stuff is still cooling, but this recipe set up beautifully. It has a nice glossy brown top, those flecks being the almond flour.  I used Trader Joes’ brand, because they don’t charge an arm and a leg ($5.50 vs  $12.00/lb for everyone else) but the cost of doing business financially is to accept the fact that they don’t peel their almonds first. I’m fine with a dappled desert.

Basically, I over thought the previous incarnation.  I realized that there wasn’t enough binder. Not enough eggs, and I forgot the flour and guar gum last time. Also, I was fussy yet sloppy with the fluids.   I applied Occams’ Razor and this was the result.

PieCloseUp_fs

It came to me in a dream.  I saw my grandmother making custard.

[Please read the ENTIRE article before attempting desert. You've been warned.]

Margot’s Ascension Sunday Pie

(There and back again by popular demand)
  • 2 whole eggs 2 egg yolks
  • 1/2 cup of coconut sugar,
  • 1 cup of Mimicreme,
  • 1/2 cup of almond flour,
  • 1 tsp of guar gum,  
  • 1 tbs of frangellico (you can also use bourbon),
  • teaspoon of vanilla and 2 star anise pods

Ok, just like grandma, you want to measure everything out in advance. Like making stir-fry the tricky thing about this is when you start you have to keep going. You can’t just clean as you go until the pie is in the oven. This means, be vigilant with your mesen place, grasshopper.

That was my root sin last time I tried this.  Also, you can’t do adjustments until you see the results– just like baking. Duh. :)

Ok, so you have everything measured out in nice little cups.  Set your oven to 360 degrees. Mix your alcohol of choice (mine was Frangellico) with the vanilla, and drop your star anise in it. Place it somewhere on the stove where it might get warm, but not on the burner itself. You want it warm enough to soak into the star anise, but not so warm your container might melt or your alcohol might evaporate.

Set a small 2.5 cup sauce pan on the stove, on warm or maybe that notch below medium. Measure your Mimicreme into the pan, and set on stove. Check on it and stir every so often. DO NOT let it boil, or even bubble.  I don’t know what happens, but don’t try it. Or hey, do try it and tell me what happens, so I don’t have to. :)

Next, you test your eggs. If you don’t have any floaters (if you do– for goodness sake, get new eggs!) , try to separate all of them. I do this because I never know which two eggs who’s  yolks I’m going to break. I use the shells to separate, because you can still (in theory) salvage the yolk mostly separately if the yolk breaks.  Fortunately, this is not souffle. I probably (in real life) made it  2.5 whites plus 4 yolks, but… we’ll see when it cools enough to cut.

Whip your eggs together in a smallish glass bowl. (mine was a four cup bowl) I used a fork to stir well.  Pretend you are making flattish scrambled eggs.

At any rate, make sure the cream is almost scalding, add your sugar. Then, after it is all incorporated and your cream has gone from white to a nice golden brown, add about a tablespoon of your warmed cream into the eggs. Stir well, keep doing this until about half is added and your eggs are warm. (Or when it feels like your yolks are no longer resisting the cream and getting thick every time you add) then, mix the eggs back into the pan off the heat.

Turn down your heat down to one notch above low. Keep stirring. When your eggy slurry is glossy and well combined, add your almond flour, and your guar gum. Mix really really well off the heat. I pulled out a whisk at this stage and whisked it until it was really well combined. Then I added my alcohol and vanilla, and the star anise. After you’ve let it rest just a bit, then pull out your star anise. Yeah, they are gooey. Sorry.

Now, pour it into a baking pan about the size and shape of a pie pan, but a uniform 2 inches deep. I don’t use spray, but I’ll probably regret it. I have a superstitious sense that fat would do bad things to the pie.  So… our egginess goes in solo. Then place it into your hot oven  (I place the ceramic vessel on a jelly roll cookie sheet so it’s easier to get out again)  and let her cook for 20 minutes.

Pull it out. Yes, it’s soft in the middle, maybe even a bit runny. Don’t worry about it. Just pull it out and let it cool.  I put it on top of the stove until I can handle the ceramic dish without burning my hands, then set it in it’s cooling rack somewhere well away from the stove. This way, you won’t spill a quarter of the yummy eggy lava by accident, like I did last time.

Let cool– heck, I let it set for 40 minutes, then refrigerate it for an hour before cutting. All this, just to give it the best chance for a money shot.

EDIT: Okay, now for a dose of reality.   I admit it. It did taste wonderful– and was even an enjoyable desert experience texturally. We finally have something worth eating. However,  the money shot– really wasn’t.   I’ll let you down easy. This photo hints at the problems.

Things are a bit more troubled underneath the glistening golden surface.

Things are a bit more troubled underneath the glistening golden surface.

I have two theories– one that it did not bake *quite* long enough (so try 25-20 minutes instead) , or that it was not evenly heated.  The edges were a solid texture–  with a little more tooth than I was expecting, but nothing unpleasant.  The center was like a very thick custard sauce. This was an even more pleasant texture for eating purposes, but it does not make very good photos.  In fact, the ‘money shot’ is pretty grotesque, and I would never serve it to anyone looking as it did.

PieServing_tn

So, I am going to try this recipe exactly the same in ingredients, but I’ll put it in a pan of water or something.  I also think that my choice of pan was not ideal for the application. The edges were so high I could not cut or lift out a piece without it breaking.  That’s why it looks so… suggestive.   I could not actually cut a piece out. I was only able to scrape out long pieces… and that’s not pretty at all.

Ugh. I feel like I’m uploading something for “The Diary of Regrettable Food”.  Maybe baked in a brain  mold with some strawberry sauce would make it appear more appetizing.   It is also possible that baked in single serving dishes it will be more even, and thus more palatable looking.

Also, I think it would have turned out better had I decided to use a crust. The  ”graham cracker” crust I used last time would probably work pretty well.  Also, it would have taken up more room in the pan, so the filling would have– you know, filled.

That would have held it together more successfully and the problems would have been less noticeable.  Though I admit, the engineer in me is not particularly satisfied with simply adding a crust to cover up the setting problem.

The only change I’d make in regards to flavor is to take the star anise out of the booze the moment you start heating the creme and that anise to the milk while it is heating. That way, you’ll get more anise-ish flavor, if that’s what you want.  You can omit and add powdered cinnamon, nutmeg or cardamom instead– again, right at the beginning of the heating the Mimicreme.   Add the booze as directed.

Eggs are hard on the ego.

Spiegel_mit_zwei_Putten_19Jh_(01)

Posted in Art, Catholic Christianity, Food, Health, Obsessive Nitpicking, Seasonal | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Ascension

By ? or (http://rosaecruz.no.sapo.pt/MEcclesia/) [Public domain or Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

 

Happy Ascension Thursday Sunday!

Posted in Art, Catholic Christianity, Eye Candy | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Small, and Brave

I’m not sure why, but I would expect to find Hobbits in tin pan helmets holding down the fort here.   I beg no offense to the brave men who actually lost their lives in the First World War (ie. for Europe: Most of Them) or any other. But still.

Posted in Art, Eye Candy, Humor, Nerdy, Obsessive Nitpicking | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Art & Morality– Why?

José Ferraz de Almeida Júnior [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

 

“The motto Art for Art’s sake simply disregards the world of morality, and the values and rights of human life. Art for Art’s sake does not mean Art for the work, which is the right formula. It means an absurdity, that is, a supposed necessity for the artist to be only an artist, not a man, and for art to cut itself off from its own supplies, and from all the food, fuel and energy it receives from human life.”

~~Jacques Maritain

It is a bit ironic how this sort of statement gets misused and abused.  We are apt to looking at vice as something merely human. But in fact, it is what leads to inhumanity.

Modern art is a perfect example. It is amoral for an artist to not communicate to his audience. If you only speak to your friends, why on earth do you get public money for your work? It should be obvious to even someone not schooled in your particular philosophy to see what you mean.  I think it is a fear of criticism. If no one can know what you mean– you can you take the critic seriously?  This is the danger of relativism– if nothing is really true, then nothing really matters.

Posted in Art, Eye Candy, NaturalLaw, Nerdy, Obsessive Nitpicking, Writing | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments