My Smoothies Suck

Your Smoothies Suck. A few weeks ago this was my “featured search” item.  Whoever you are, thank you.


This little thought bothered me for quite a while, and I realized that it had nothing to do with the tiny little violin playing in the background.

By Camera: Sternenlaus, Instrument: birdy (selfmade by see authors) [GFDL, CC-BY-SA-3.0 or CC-BY-SA-2.5-2.0-1.0], via Wikimedia Commons

By Camera: Sternenlaus, Instrument: birdy (selfmade by see authors) [GFDL, CC-BY-SA-3.0 or CC-BY-SA-2.5-2.0-1.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Nope. It’s because they are right, even if they didn’t actually put their name (or even a pseudonym) behind the comment.  Unlike the normal run of such comments, it had some basis in reality.  I somehow managed to create good advice about certain additives and other things, but messed up the crucial basic of all smoothie making– proportion of fluid to solid.

Actual Victim of Margot's Smoothies

Actual Victim of Margot’s Smoothies

Turns out, I was overloading my blender, and the fluid to solid ratio was all wrong. It was an “off by one” error in the wrong direction. IF you add too little liquid you can usually tell. Too much doesn’t’ become an issue until your texture is all wrong and your blender floods in frustration.  This is why I kept having fibrous problems. The kale fiber was never able to pulverize because it was too busy floating around to notice the furiously  whirling blades of death far below.

I tried one (scant) cup of coco water  to 2 oz of kale– plus a teaspoon of cherry syrup– and it was amazing compared to what I normally get.That was without protein, or without anything else to make it pleasant-er. Though I guess the cherry syrup could qualify. It’s even possible you could get away with 1/2 a teaspoon of cherry syrup, it was a little sweet to me.  HOwever, if you add the protein powder it gets even better.  I also like using a coconut water/aloe beverage, which isn’t as sweet as some. (though it can be too sweet for me.)  A teaspoon of (extra virgin unrefined) coconut fat makes everything better. 

But yeah, I admit, adding bananas and ice cream and things I can’t have–                          would make it better still.

In case you were wondering where the “Second of N” articles about Suicide are, well, I’m taking a break from that today.  It will probably turn up on Monday.  This weekend is likely to get busy.


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