Margot’s Helpful Travel Tips

 

A drawing of a suitcase with the word “TRAVEL” written on it By: Producer on Wikimedia Commons, distributed with the Creative Commons License

  1. Do not wear a bustier through customs  TSA. Unless you like the attention. Do not listen to those… misguided officials who say it does not contain enough metal to set off alarms.  Really.
    Why yes, it IS the voice of experience. How could you tell? Girls, I’m just saying it was like Christmas, only St. Nicholas wore a gun belt.  We saw lots of  military green and prayed not to see red! (FYI: it was not long after 9/11, so military police were still in charge of security at airports.)
  2. Boxes sent through the mail have finite space. Use it wisely, and triple check your wardrobe options. Now we know how the Doctor gets away with being a clothes horse.
  3. Pack tape to use tape on the other end. Also packing labels and your shipping label back.  Tape served from a Klein bottle will NOT help this problem. See, occasionally our advice is useful.
  4. Pray for the poor men and women who have to haul that box around. I feel like that Victorian lady who decided to be merciful and only use one steamer trunk– only it weighed a metric ton.  Clothes are that heavy? Apparently…
  5. Wearing cosplay at the airport is a BAD idea. As amusing as it would be to waltz through security dressed like a storm trooper.
  6. Inform Amazon that there is a market for a device that chains your kindle to the reader’s wrist. Because kindle (and presumably some other ereaders) are God’s gift to indecisive, obsessed readers. So… if a thug threatens me with a knife and demands “your kindle or your life” I would have to clutch the device and say, “my kindle IS my life.”  Well, after God, and probably husband…
  7. I stand corrected. ‘Catholic’ is not a race or ethnic group.  This is important when filling out forms.
  8. Packing shoes is a nightmare. Try not to need it. If you can’t avoid it, those netted orange bags are ideal for the job. I mean, you COULD make your shoes out of tire treads and duct tape… So always pack extra duct tape. Call that 8 & 1/2.
  9. Cthulhu is my packing spirit animal. There is always something you forget, just make sure it’s not THAT important.

    See, the eldergod is even holding the lid down for me! Isn’t that nice!

    Top tip: Elder Signs on the shipping label will NOT help them arrive on time. This image was actually sketched by Lovecraft.

  10. Never ever offer to bake things, for an unknown quantity of people, when you are going to a place you’ve never been, where you will be out of state, at a hotel without a kitchen, at a time when you are pretty broke.  Especially when the recipe is almost impossible to execute without offending some allergy or other. Especially when one is already having other health problems. Especially when those health problems kiboshed any opportunity to test out your recipe. Or formulate parts of it.
  11. Do not pack the cat. Especially if you don’t know if the food is poison or not. It’s like crossing the streams.
  12. science-cat-does-experiments-on-you-for-revengeDo not give more than 10,  because no one needs more than ten tips. EVER.

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